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FUNNY QUOTES AND QUOTATIONS Author
A very beadle to a humorous sigh. - William Shakepeare
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family... in another city." - George Burns
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow children to come back home." - Bill Cosby
"I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." - Mary Karr
"There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that you life is on track." - Jerry Seinfeld
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. - Cary Grant
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. - Robert Frost
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. - Mark Twain
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example. - Francois De La Rochenoucauld
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened - Cora Harvey Armstrong
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. - Anonymous
You would know that it's your 60th birthday when you get to date women half your age without breaking any laws. - Anonymous
From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. - Sophie Tucker
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. -
In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language. - George W. Bush


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