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lose the one yu love ; im still me<3

© By meghan totty

I am the daughter of Elizabeth Diane Saintcross
I wonder if things could've been different
I hear the screams of my drunken mother
I see my dads sobbing, wet face
I want things to change
I am Meghan Elizabeth Totty

I came home one sunny day from the park
I found what I wish I hadn't
Police cars and an ambulance
I am told to wait in the truck
I patiently wait with my brother
I am scared

Pain and tears dwelling up inside me
My father tells us that mommy's been hurt
Tears pouring out of my sore eyes
I am devastated

I pretend its not happening
I feel my warm, wet tears trickling down my face
I touch my cheek to wipe them away
I worry what it will be like now
I cry at the thought that she's gone
I watch my dad place his wedding ring upon the urn
I am a three year old at my mommy's funeral

I understand that things happen
I don't understand why though
I say I'm fine, but I'm lying to you, and myself
I dream of what it would be like if she had survived
I try to convince myself it wasn't my fault
But I don't know who else I could possibly blame
I hope I can fight through my life and my pain
I am a teenager wishing I had a mommy =(

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