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FUNNY QUOTES AND QUOTATIONS
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Author
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| A very beadle to a humorous sigh. |
- William Shakepeare
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| "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family... in another city." |
- George Burns
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| "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow children to come back home." |
- Bill Cosby
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| "I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." |
- Mary Karr
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| "There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that you life is on track." |
- Jerry Seinfeld
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| Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. |
- Cary Grant
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| Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. |
- Robert Frost
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| When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. |
- Mark Twain
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| A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. |
- Robert Frost
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| Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example. |
- Francois De La Rochenoucauld
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| Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened |
- Cora Harvey Armstrong
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| Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. |
- Anonymous
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| You would know that it's your 60th birthday when you get to date women half your age without breaking any laws. |
- Anonymous
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| From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. |
- Sophie Tucker
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| When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. |
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| In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language. |
- George W. Bush
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