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| FUNNY QUOTES AND QUOTATIONS | Author |
| A very beadle to a humorous sigh. | - William Shakepeare |
| "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family... in another city." | - George Burns |
| "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow children to come back home." | - Bill Cosby |
| "I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." | - Mary Karr |
| "There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that you life is on track." | - Jerry Seinfeld |
| Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. | - Cary Grant |
| Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. | - Robert Frost |
| When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. | - Mark Twain |
| A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. | - Robert Frost |
| Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example. | - Francois De La Rochenoucauld |
| Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened | - Cora Harvey Armstrong |
| Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. | - Anonymous |
| You would know that it's your 60th birthday when you get to date women half your age without breaking any laws. | - Anonymous |
| From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. | - Sophie Tucker |
| When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. | - |
| In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language. | - George W. Bush |
